Nothing looks quite like thin [entries|friends|calendar] pudgyprincess [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[27 Jun 2007|02:17pm] i love that i can be hungry, go online and lose it... it's weird how much support i am getting from people in my life, like: i wish i had that much self control... etc... instead of maybe you should eat something... well, no it's not wierd, because, i forgot, i'm fat. 2 comments|post comment

started with the gummies [26 Jun 2007|12:15pm] and ended with mc.donalds..... i Binged ALLLL DAYYYYY yesterday.... even though i threw up every time i ate, it wasn't enough and i'm back to 158.... and i hate it. that's fine, i've just discovered that i don't ever need to eat... again... today, i just had a glass of juice. that's it... and that's all. post comment

[25 Jun 2007|11:22am] i had an 100 calorie pack of fruit gummys, because this morning i was walking around walmart and started to feel really faint... i bought some juice, but even though a full serving of fruits AND veggies are in them, it's 110 calories.... and i don't want to drink it. before this morning, i havent eaten anything in three days, and i was liking my winning streak... should i go purge'?? the thing is they are so small that i don't even know if i CAN throw them up. i told my roomate/best friend last night that i hadn't eated and wasn't going to, and she was like: dude, you look so much skinner already... i havent lost any weight from yesterday.... yet. post comment

pink!! [24 Jun 2007|07:32pm] i wanted to post a more current pic... this is me and this cute guy tertle at a rave in chicago on the 26th of may... i love my hair that color... it's white right now... 1 comment|post comment

fat and pugly [24 Jun 2007|05:42pm] this is the perfect body. how much do you think she weighs?? i'm down another pound... thats 4 pounds since i've started this full-blown anaorexia.... i LOVE it... this feels so awesome, to do nothing and just lose and lose...  i know it won't always be this way... but  it's all calories in vrs calories out... lol... and nothing in means nothing gained. i feel better about myself EVERY fucking minute i don't eat...  it's  the first time i've  ever  liked  myself... 3 comments|post comment

alcohol [24 Jun 2007|04:46pm] i drank last night for the first time in my whole life. i HATE alcohol. i still HATE alcohol...   all it resulted in is a bunch of really drunk dialing.     while lying in the middle of a street.   damn.   post comment

the secret [23 Jun 2007|06:33pm] every day i don't eat i lose a pound.... well, that simplifies things... i've been drinking alot of water and diet coke tho, but i'm ok with that... 157 today... the best thing about not eating, is that idon't FOCUS on food anymore like i did... i used to obsess about what time i would be eating again, what i would be eating again, who i would be eating with, but now, nothing. because i know i'm not going to eat, so too bad... i'm not even hungry anymore... this all started when my boyfriend of 7 month cheated on me. i moved back home, and two boys who used to like me to the point of not liking eachother over me won't even pay attention to me. why? because we have a bunch of little, tiny, new girls. sorry, i eat less than you, and i will always eat less than you. if i were skinny, i would be perfect, which i know... because even when i'm fat i know i'm beautiful... i have GREAT facial features, huge breasts, i'm smart as fuck, which i know, relatively funny, energetic and fun.  i used to be able to get any guy i wanted, no matter WHAT, when i was 136 pounds.. thats only 21 pounds away now... It's not an issue of health. i'll worry about my health when i've lost enough that i won't gain all this back if i start to eat normally. if i can get down to 100 pounds, then i start eating normally, even if i gain 20 pounds, then i'll only be at 120... but i doubt that i will get that high because at that time i should be to a point where i can eat the RIGHT food and exercise, so any real weight will be for the better... i don't care if i'm unhealthy. starving is the only thing that's gareenteed to work... nothing tastes as good as thin feels. hunger hurts, but starving works, and i want it so bad... 3 comments|post comment

[23 Jun 2007|08:49am] i have to be at work in 10 inutes and i'm obsessing about the SCALE... ugh. post comment

fuck up... [22 Jun 2007|11:02am] i'm going to forget about it though... gained a pound from tuesday... fuck. but i can get rid of it, i'm sure... i just need to FOCUS..... just FOCUS. on the goal... i'm going to draw the most Perfect picture of myself... on the downside/plus side i started smoking.... 1 comment|post comment

full [21 Jun 2007|02:56am] ugh it feels sick to be full... this is the last fuck up.. i ate pizza with my friend, thinking, oh, i'll just throw up, no biggie. but the toilets fucked up and we can't do anything about it... and i didn't think about the shower until now, and now it was too many hours agooooo and there is is no way that is still in my stomach....     fuck.... at least i didn't gain anything... yet.     goalllllllssssssss     fuck i want to get stoned. post comment

tonight.... [20 Jun 2007|01:42am] so i was bad and went out to dinner with my friends, and one of them had said something about bulimia earlier, so i was like: fuck, cause i knew they knew what i had had earlier in the day, which was nothing.... so i ordered the healthiest appetizer, and i only had 3 peices, which are small and an order comes with like 8 or nine, and that's still pretty small... so yeah, i feel a little guilty, but not really cause i went and swam wiht my friends for like an hour, and walked and ran around town all day.... i start working again tomorrow, and that's cool because at least it's more exercise, but sucks because of the proximity to food... oh yeah and i broke my own heart, so i have no urge to eat right now... i'm sure i'll be fine, though... shit i should weigh myself... post comment

weight!!!!:)) [19 Jun 2007|12:20pm] so when i weighed myself LAST sunday, i weighted 168. today i found a scale(yay!) and weighed myself and i was 159.5 !!! that's like, 1.something pounds a day!!!! omg i am so happy that i am going to treat myself to:: perfect make-up and hair.... and diet coke!!! 1 comment|post comment

ugh [19 Jun 2007|10:22am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | toki and underfoot necrognomes vl. 5 ] ugh. no wonder they didn't want me. 1 comment|post comment

day two [19 Jun 2007|10:03am] last night it thunderstormed and i went running. i've never ran before in my life. my parents are both big runners, and i hated it... but last night i just hooked up my ipod, put on some jeans and a t.shirt, and got soaked. i had so much fun... i didn't got out very long at all, but i don't care. it's a start. to day i've eaten:: nothing. thankgod. but it's always the night that i binge. but fuck that. i'm done and i'm losing this weight once and for all. all these little skinny girls complaining, but no one needs anorexia more than i did. i need to start taking vitamins. 1 comment|post comment

the beginning [18 Jun 2007|08:38pm] [ mood | determined ] i realized today that my weight problem is out of control. i weigh at least 168 pounds right now.,, that's ridiculous. i;m done with this. i'm done with people judging me on my body, instead of my mind. i need to change for my career choice. no one likes a fat singer. if i lost 68 pounds i would be perfect. i would mind losing my HUGE tits, i hate them any way, there's no sense in being like this. food is nothing. i will never go to the store and not find anything that fits me again. fuck this. fuck the old me. when i'm done no one will be able to stop me... 1 comment|post comment

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